I have not been on line due to the fact that my brain is in a perpetual swirl of confusion. I do not want to get on here and bash my marriage and I am trying not to be nasty. A few conclusions became very clear to me on Monday, but I do not want to go into that.
However at the same point I need to vent… and I fill in the blanks from the past few weeks,l later. But today I don’t feel like “going there!”
Today I want to talk about Social Media and Facebook. The demise of my marriage and the rebirth of myself, Oxymoron I know. But that is apparently how my life ebbs and flows.
To the regular person Facebook is a way to communicate with long lost friends and family. You are allowed the freedom to post pictures of your family, that usually are not being seen by people in your life that do not live near you. I am always happy to see my friend’s families and kids. I gauge how old I am getting by their kids, not my own.
At one point in my life (when I turned 40 and had the infamous Midlife Crisis) Facebook turned out to be my lifeline. I found old friends from high school that otherwise I would not of located and I made new friends with people I went to school with but never really knew in class. (They helped me thru some really hard times.)
Funny how you can become best friends with people you grew up with, and didn’t go to school with, but didn’t really “meet”, until you were 40. I guess it was meant to be! Possibly had we been friends when we were younger, maybe our friendship would not be as beneficial today, or even exist, had we been friends when we were younger.
My husband is not a fan of Facebook, due to the fact that it is my escape so to speak. But I probably spend more time on the computer than the average Facebook person only because I have found a whole new “underground” world so to speak. I feel at home and I honestly found what I think is my “Land of Misfit Toys”, if you are not quirky, have issues, or have some kind of illness, you need not apply! LOL
I currently own one Facebook page, which I am in charge of. I co-admin on a fabulous page that I love. And I help two friends on their two pages when I can. Facebook is like the NYSE, but with no money exchanging hands. It is serious business to a lot of people, and numbers are very important, i.e. likes. Eventually if you have enough likes at some point there is some extra money to be made. I believe in an advertising sense, but I am not sure, so please do not quote me.
I do it because I enjoy it. I love to make people laugh and it has also become an addiction of sorts. To see your page jump from 5,500 fans to almost 9,000 in under two months is a rush. It is like hitting the jackpot on the penny slots in Las Vegas, with no payout. It also affirms to me that I can make people laugh and people enjoy what I have to say. Apparently something I am lacking at home. My husband does not find me funny which I have mentioned before. My sarcasm is to much for him. He doesn’t get me at all. But I have found a group of people that do, and if they don’t they are really good liars 😉
Sidenote: I did go ape shit on my husband this Saturday, and when I was dead serious about a few issues, he started laughing and said I was funny! (WTH?) Yeah, really funny honey!
Enough about him. I did want to talk about the bonds that are formed on Facebook. Everyone is so hesitant and always telling me to be careful because people who are not who they say they are or proclaim to be. And I understand and get their point. However from the point of an Administrator or Owner of a Facebook page, you get to see if from a whole other different side.
You are in Page Owner Sharing Groups, Support Groups, etc. You befriend Admins and they will share your page and in return you share yours. There is a bond formed that you would never understand unless you were in this little “Underground World!”
I have met some of the most incredible, fascinating, messed up, hot, beautiful people in the world. Much more supportive then a lot of people I know in the real world. You have a problem, shoot off a message to your Facebook family or in one of your groups, and you will usually be promptly addressed by someone almost immediately!!!
There are numerous support groups on Facebook that I do not even think people are aware of from Mental Illness to Sex Groups. You have a problem or a desire, you will find somewhere to fit in this weird little world. Much more to Facebook then meets the eye.
I decided to write today about Facebook because my heart was crushed yesterday, and it just caught me off guard. So I felt the need to get on the defensive and defend Facebook. Friendships are real, and people bond, and when you end up talking to people at all hours of the day and night you really do get to know someone. Good and Bad!!! You make a legitimate friendship.
I have a Facebook Admin/Owner who befriended me last year. Two totally different people (she and I) totally different ages, and living on opposites of the world. She is in her 20’s and attends college and lives in another country. We live different cultures and customs and I don’t know how or why we became friends, but we did. She is a wise, smart, beautiful young woman (who I was shocked to find out was in college and so young!)
Well, we were friends and would talk here and there and last year she just left Facebook. Her pages were still there, obviously being run by other people. Continually wondered where she went though. Out of the blue a few months ago I get a message…from her, asking how was I was doing? And she sincerely wanted to know how I was doing. She has an odd 6th sense, I would say two words, and she instantly knew something was wrong. I almost think she has magic powers.
So we started a friendship (with the 5 hour time difference!) I was schooled on customs and religions and clothes and the beautiful scenery. I was shown numerous pictures of her country, and it was nothing like I had ever imagined. I also can not imagine being in a country where it is forbidden to drink, smoke, etc. I became a sponge over the past few weeks and was just so curious about their music, school, religion, etc.
We formed a bond and every night I looked forward to just talking about our day. I would bitch about my family, I think I did most of the talking, due to the fact that I appeared to be the one with most of the “issues” so to speak.
A few days ago she shared with me that she needed to get off of Facebook because she felt like she wasn’t being true to herself and her religion (not said in those words, but you get the gist!)
We had a very wonderful conversation on Monday night ( a very eye opening conversation.) On Tuesday morning when I turned on my computer, this time I could sense something was wrong. She simply was sending me a message to say goodbye. I honestly thought she was saying goodbye because she was on Spring Break and maybe taking a holiday or going back to school.
Sadly, I was wrong, she was leaving Facebook once again to continue on with her life. She would be back eventually but didn’t know when. It was a very odd, punch to the gut reaction I had. Only because I thought it was something I had said the night before (it wasn’t), I did come to find out that she said goodbye to several people and shut down her accounts.
I felt yesterday that I lost a really good friend, who never judged any of my wacky thoughts or crazy stories. I was so into our conversations I was sharing pictures with my kids of her country and my son wanted to know if she liked Adele and Nicki Minaj (Ha Ha!) And she did say yes. So she made his good list.
But yesterday when I could not send her a reply because all her accounts were deactivated for the time being, I just started to cry. I know she was having issues and struggling with life and it was like a magic trick. She told me to go out and live and be happy and be good and then POOF….she was gone. I really was just very, very, sad yesterday.
My point of that story was, you can make connections with people on Facebook almost better than you can in person. Some people are shy, some people have bi-polar, some people have high anxiety and don’t like public speaking. Some people are just more comfortable talking via computer than in person. And when most of the people you meet don’t live down the street from you, this is the best way to communicate. I have met people all over the country, who otherwise I would of never had gotten to know. We are all more similar than not!
I have met several people on Facebook that I know will be friends for life. I have met them in person. One even stayed at my house for a week in February. And we only knew each other via Facebook, she helps me on my page. We had never even spoken in real life. My children loved her and my husband did too. We are forever bonded.
I met one Admin I worked with last year, mid way between her house and mine, and we had a blast. She is one of my best friends. I have befriended a person who I have yet to meet (but am dying to see in person) she was put in my life for some reason, and maybe one day we will figure out why. But I love and adore her and I have not even met her yet. Funny tho, we fight argue like siblings, makes me laugh! I am also more than likely going to hook up with the woman who runs the new page I am Co-Admining on. We have a lot in common and laugh a lot. That will be a blast.
You end up texting and talking on the phone to people you Admin with. So I wanted to give a positive spin on Facebook today because lately I hear so many negative things about it. It is an outlet for some, it is a way to express ones feelings, and it is a way to connect with people that you may otherwise have not had the chance to meet.
Squirrel…….Oh wait, one more example. A woman who I met in a sharing group has a beautiful page. Nothing like mine. She was very kind to me when my father-in-law was dying a few months ago. Sent me fabulous messages that made me smile. Still not sure what she saw in me. She is smart and interesting, and nothing like me. I recently found out she somewhat knew our mutual Facebook friend, the one who left Facebook yesterday.
I sent her a quick message and said did you know (so and so left) and if you ever hear from her please tell her to contact me. I also told her I was crying and it just hit me hard. My cell phone rings yesterday, didn’t recognize the number (afraid it was a bill collector) but since it was not an 800 number I picked it up. And it was this fascinating woman. I had a voice to the page and the positive messages I had admired. We spoke for almost an hour (and I would of continued the conversation) but I had children needing things…..like dinner. (Those damn kids, why do they need to eat and be picked up from ball practice? Don’t they know I am talking here?)
Another example of a fabulous person I met on Facebook who is real. I explained the phone call to my husband, but I did not go into details about my friend that left Facebook because I knew he would tell me to leave as well. He appeared to not have any interest in the stories I was telling him about her life, I was just awe struck. She kicks some serious ass in my book. There are so many awesome people out there.
If we all just stopped and said hello to each other, even on the street, I am sure you would meet your soul mate, or best friend or just a really cool person with a story. I know everybody has a story. Just not everyone is willing to tell it or is ever asked to share it. People just want to be heard.
I have made friends, mentors, crushes, and most importantly I have laughed…a lot! These people are damn funny. And you have to be in order to survive in this odd world of Facebook pages.
I guess instead of bashing on my marriage today, I just wanted to defend the only thing that currently brings me joy (besides my kids when they are not killing each other or my dog.) It is cold and ugly outside, and I need sun and fun and until then (and after too) but Facebook is what I do. I don’t get paid, and don’t they say that you would do what you loved even if you didn’t get paid, just because you love it so much? That would be me. I love my non-paying job.
It is on my bucket list to meet several other people I have met on this journey and I am hoping one day I will get to do so.
I did miss getting on line this morning and not saying good afternoon (when it was morning here) to my friend. I so wish her peace and I hope she finds it. If she is truly happy and finds whatever it is she is looking for I will be thrilled. She needed to do some soul searching and I get that.
Hoping one day she contacts me again……
And as far as Facebook and Social Media, the husband doesn’t believe in it, but I don’t think he really has a choice. This is all our children know and this is the future. So today instead of defending my motives to possibly end my marriage I felt like jumping on my soapbox to defend my computer, so to speak, if that makes sense. I would like to think about something other than my marriage.
It just felt good to get that all off my chest. No one could read this and I would be fine with that. But I was feeling this overwhelming urge to implode. And now I don’t.
Well, until I go home and the husband or my dog looks at me the wrong way then I might get mad and blow up 🙂
Wishing everyone a peaceful day! xo